Swept Away

Year: 2002
Written and Directed: Guy Ritchie
Based on the screenplay by Lina Wertmuller
Starring: Madonna, Adriano Giannini, and Bruce Greenwood
Details: 89 mins / Screen Gems / Rated R

Swept Away has been called 2002’s shittiest film. It’s the story of a rich, arrogant woman who gets swept away to an island with a gruff Italian fisherman. There, they fight and wait for it… and they fall in love. It’s a remake of the 1975 Italian film of the same name, with some hugechanges. The original was filled with complex moral issues and questioned the nature of love. This movie abandons all that for a simplistic romantic plot with only a few hints of the complexity.
Swept Away is a film that fails on nearly every level. It’s too hateful and shoddily created to be a romance. It’s too light to be a drama. Even Ritchie’s overly slick commercial style isn’t fun with the boring landscapes and settings presented here. He’s a director so fond of slick camera moves that they always overshadow the material. Couple that with his headache inducing cutting and POV shots and not only does Swept Away make you long for the ending, but it gets you there with a pain in noggin. Not to mention that the film has more montages than VH1’s Behind the Music. Ritchie really needs to up his game.

Madonna starts overacting from the word go. Ok, she’s a bitch. We get it. She does even out later in the movie, but by that time you don’t care what happens to her. You don’t care if she and her little Italian friend live or die.

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Jesus, you don’t like her in this film. That’s the point, but we hate her so much that we want to kill her. We don’t care if she’s happy or not, even if she has repented for her past transgressions. And perhaps we hate her because she’s a combination of both the real Madonna and a character. I’ve never found the pop goddess to be one for huge amounts of adoration.

Despite that, I know that she’s a better actress than this. Although most of her work (OK all of it) is pretty pathetic, there’s a spark of talent there. It’s definitely the crappy material she’s decided to devote her time to for oh so many years. I must note though, that the material girl is still in fantastic shape. Frankly, her body is the only thing this movie has going for it.

Movie Grade: D

Video: 3 out of 5
The film has a nice bright transfer, but the entire thing has a washed out appearance. This is on purpose, but it doesn’t mean I have to like it. With the boring setting, you’ve got one fat, bored looking flick
Widescreen anamorphic 1.85:1

Audio: 3 out of 5
I didn’t notice the audio at all. The music was nice and balanced, but there wasn’t a lot of surround activity or really dynamic audio.
English (Dolby 5.1 and 2.0)

Extras: 4 out 5
The 19 minute behind the scenes is actually worth watching and in fact the only thing worth watching on the disc itself. Madonna is charming, funny and self-deprecating as she and her husband interview each other about the making of the movie. There’s more laughs and drama than all that other deserted island shit we’ve seen before. There’s a few deleted and extended scenes, plus a director’s commentary. The director and the producer don’t really sound prepared for anything and they’re rather boring to listen to.

Overall: 2 out of 5
What saves this from being a 1 out of 5 is the nice and slick, albeit short, behind the scenes featurette. Otherwise, there’s nothing about the movie or the disc that any normal human would find enjoyable.

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