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by the Bell - Jessie's Song (1990) Written by Peter Engel Starring Elizabeth Berkeley, Tiffany-Amber Thiessen, Lark Voohies, Mario Lopez, Dustin Diamond and Mark Paul Gosselaar by Alex Mestas 1/23/2003 More info: Amazon.com |
It all starts a little fuzzy. That's because I'm not going to waste my time watching this episode for the 3rd time this week, just because I want to review it on this stupid little site. I think it starts as Jessie complains to Zack, Slater and Screech, that's she's just real busy with school right now. Jessie seems to have a lot on her plate. The ever so helpful Screech makes a whining, over the top comment and the audience titters. The scene continues. The other two sexy girls on the show, Kelly and Lisa take a long boring walk in the background of the Maxx and put a nickel in the jukebox. Luckily, they manage to find the Pointer Sisters song "I'm So Excited," out of date even when the show first aired. They walk up to Jessie and begin snapping their fingers in time with the music. Then they goad Jessie into singing along with them. The whole cast looks amazingly uncomfortable as they warble out the songs. The audience, clever puppets that they are, release monkey shrills and claps at the completion of the performance. Jessie proclaims that she indeed feels better. But not for long - Miss Spano will soon enter into a heart of caffeine darkness. Zack helpfully explains that he has an uncle or other molest-worthy relative who is looking for a girl group "like the New Kids on the Block." The audience laughs when AC explains, "Yeah, except the new chicks on the block." Ha. Sometime later Jessie finds out that she's not doing so well in one of her classes. She doesn't quite have a straight A average, and she definitely needs one to get in Stanford. So she decides to study real hard. Unfortunately, her burgeoning musical career needs some study time too. At Zack's suggestion, Lisa, Kelly and Jessie are "The Hot Sundaes" and soon will make their industry appearance in front of a panel of non-SAG actors who don't have any lines. But first their music video. "Get down to it / Go for it / Come on and break a sweat / Rock and Roll / You ain't seen nothing yet." And so go the words for the fantastic Hot Sundaes video. I don't think I'd reached puberty when this show first hit the air, because if I had, I would have instantly been enthralled by the three girls, dancing around in gaudy 80's leotards and jumping up and down on trampolines. I'm not kidding. Plus, the song has those unfortunate hooks that stick in your head... much like the vision of a pre-breast implant Tiffany-Amber Thiessen doing jumping jacks sticks in mine.
The video contains so many wonderful moments: the girls' superimposed faces a la Hall and Oates' "Maneater" video, the quick cuts of the girls in different outfits. You name the 80's video cliche, this video contained it. Make no mention of the fact that the episode aired in the 90's (which, by a quick check... wait a minute. This is too great to be coincidence. The show first went on the air November 3rd, 1990. This also happened to be my birthday - my 12th! No wonder I love this so much. It was a fine Saturday, my birthday. I awoke early and watched Saved by the Bell like so many other Saturdays. I wonder if I was cynical back then. Probably. This plot is so ridiculous, I couldn't imagine how I could have been fooled into thinking it was even somewhat believable.) With such a busy schedule, Jessie has begun to pop caffeine pills in order to study all day and sing all evening. Slater finds out about her burgeoning drug addiction, so he tells her that "those things are trouble." No-Doze is like Vicodin, I'm telling you. Jessie nods her head. Of course - why would such a smart girl do something as stupid as take a handful of No-Doze because she's busy for a week?
In particularly frightening scene, Jessie sits in an empty hallway, sneaks a look around her and pops a pill. 'No Jessie!' you will cry, as you begin to see her descent into madness. Later, Slater confronts Zack
about Jessie's drug use, which he refuses to believe for some reason.
"She's my friend!" Zack loudly screams to the be-mulleted Mario
Lopez. Zack must have alcoholic parents, because he's an enabler in the
very worst way. In the classroom, Jessie twitches and speaks much too loudly as she proudly finishes her test with what appears to be 100 percent correctness. Well by-gummit, the little druggy has really done it! Now all she has to do is finish the audition and her plan for Bayside domination is complete. Alas, that is not to be. Our next scene opens on Jessie asleep on the bed. Zack enters the room eager to wake her. The audition is about to start. Jessie groggily wakes up and begins to spout useless math terms like a drunken Einstein. Zack tells her that she's confused and she already had the test. She needs to get ready but Zack tells her that there's no time.
And then begins what is possibly the best loved acting exchanges in all of Saved by the Bell-um. Jessie: "No time! No time!
There's never enough time!" Jessie collapses into Zack's arms where he begins to tell her about the good times they had together when they were young. Not the best time to hit on a woman, but you go ahead and do your thing Zack. Meanwhile, at the Maxx, The Hot Sundaes perform with Screech in Jessie's role. This is stupid beyond the use of words. So is the end of the episode, where the gang gathers around Jessie's bed. She's getting help she tells the gang. End of episode. For some unknown reason, this episode has stuck in the mind of many a Gen-Xer who was suckled on the teat of mother television every Saturday. OK, I know the reason: it's really overly dramatic and it contains references to everything hated about the 80's: New Kids on the Block, bad music videos, Just Say No campaigns, bad nerd jokes. But through all this hatred, it still holds a place in my stubborn cynical heart. Jessie's Song? No...our song... |
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2005 Lights Out Films / E-Mail
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